Why You Can't Turn Your Brain Off at Night (And What's Actually Keeping You Stuck)

You already know you can't turn your brain off at night.

Your mental load is massive. You've tried time blocking, hiring help, organization systems, time audits... and you're still lying awake at 9pm mentally managing everything while your body begs for sleep.

Here's what's less talked about: why those solutions don't stick.

And spoiler...it's not because you need more discipline, a better planner, or another hire. 🙃

(In fact, you might be able to save money by NOT hiring that next person AND finally solve this.)

The Part Everyone Skips

I had a client - successful, organized, self-aware - who desperately wanted just 10-15 minutes of transition time between closing her laptop and her kids getting home from school.

That's it. Just 10 minutes to take off her "work hat" and put on her "mom hat" so she wasn't frantic and overstimulated when they walked through the door.

Sounds simple, right?

Just...close the laptop 15 minutes earlier.

But she wasn't doing it.

And it wasn't because she didn't have time. It wasn't because she needed a better calendar system.

It was because there was a fear underneath that decision.

A fear that if she didn't work those last 15 minutes, she'd disappoint a client. Or her team would think she wasn't working hard enough. Or that those 15 minutes were so critical that taking them off would mean losing everything she'd built.

She also had this habit of logging back onto her laptop at 9pm to "wrap up the day" and respond to emails.

She'd convinced herself this was helpful, necessary even.

But when we dug deeper? It was an obligation she felt.

And when she thought about NOT logging back on at 9pm...there was fear there too.

This is the bridge everyone skips. The one between knowing what you want and actually doing something about it.

You don't need better time management.

You don't need more willpower.

You don't even need another hire (though you might want one for other reasons).

You need to address the belief that's making you think you HAVE to hold everything in your head in the first place.

Beyond Awareness: Why You Know What to Do But Can't Do It

This is the first episode in my three-part "Beyond Awareness" series where we're figuring out why you know what to do but can't actually do it.

• Today: Why you can't stop holding everything in your head
• Next week: Why you can't delegate (even though you're drowning)
• Week 3: Why you keep saying yes when you want to say no

Because here's what I see with literally every client: they're AWARE of the problem. They're even AWARE of potential solutions.

But they keep reverting to the same patterns.

They hire the assistant but still do everything themselves.

They set boundaries but feel guilty enforcing them.

They block off transition time but work right through it anyway.

The gap isn't awareness. It's the beliefs underneath the behavior.

And if you can't turn off your brain and reduce the weight of that mental load, nothing else matters.

You could go on the most luxurious retreat, hire the most expensive planner, read every productivity book...and you'd still feel that heavy weight.

The Root Beliefs Keeping Your Brain "On"

I'm going to list the beliefs I see most often in my work with clients (business owners, executives, CFOs, moms trying to do it all).

You might resonate with one. You might resonate with all of them.

You only need ONE of these to realize what's been holding you back.

Belief #1: Being "on" is being responsible 🧠

Even though you're not actually following through on everything (you're not making those healthy meals, you're not in every single meeting, you're not doing ALL the things your brain is cycling through), being "on" feels like responsibility.

Flip it: If you're "off" - if you're not thinking about everything - it feels irresponsible.

Go deeper 🕳️: What does being irresponsible mean to you? What were you taught about being irresponsible? Did you get in trouble as a kid when you were irresponsible?

Belief #2: If I stop thinking about work, everything will fall apart 💥

One of my clients believed if she didn't log into work three different times throughout the day, she would lose clients.

That's a strong belief keeping her mentally "on" literally all the time.

Belief #3: I have to be mentally available to be worthy of my career (or I'll lose it all) 😰

This one goes deep.

If you're not available, you don't deserve your success. You don't deserve your team. You feel guilty taking even a half-day off because your team is working.

Belief #4: Staying busy means I'm productive (and I must be productive to be valued) ✅

Question this: If you're unproductive, what does that mean about you?

That you're a bump on a log? Unworthy? Unvalued? Not an equal partner in your marriage because you're not bringing in equal income?

Belief #5: Relaxing equals dropping the ball 🏐

If you relax, nothing's getting done. Period.

But is that actually true?

Belief #6: I can't trust myself to remember everything 😬

This might be the scariest one.

You don't trust other people to remember appointments, handle the project, do their work.

But what's even scarier? You don't trust yourself.

You don't trust yourself to remember things. You don't trust your systems. You don't trust your planner, your calendar, your phone reminders (which is why you have 292 of them).

Why don't you trust yourself? What are some examples of when you haven't trusted yourself? When you HAVE trusted yourself, what happened? Share in the comments!

My Own Version of This

I'll be honest...I used to think my mental load was just part of being a business owner and a mom.

Like, obviously I need to remember Griffin's school schedule AND my client call schedule AND what's for dinner AND whether I responded to that podcast pitch AND if my assistant finished editing the show notes.

It felt responsible to hold all of that.

But what I realized (through my own journaling, because yes I practice what I preach) was that I didn't trust my systems.

I had a calendar. I had reminders. I had lists.

But I was still mentally rehearsing everything because I was afraid if I didn't, something would fall through the cracks and I'd look irresponsible.

The belief underneath? If I'm not mentally tracking everything, I'm not a good enough business owner.

Once I saw that belief clearly and questioned it...I could actually start using my systems without the mental backup.

The Permission Slips You Need Right Now 💫

Take one or leave it - share your favorite permission slip in the comments! Typing it out is like your affirmation for the day.

• Your brain is for creating, not storing.
• You can trust the systems you have in place (and you can trust yourself) without catastrophe.
• You can trust your resilience when things don't go as planned.
• Your presence at home doesn't threaten your success at work. The two can coexist.

What Happens When You Address the Root Belief

When you identify the belief that's been running the show and actually work through it, it's like unlocking a key.

Suddenly those solutions you've been trying? The organization systems, the time blocking apps, hiring more people? They actually work.

You'll be able to hire that new COO (or whoever) and actually let them do their job.

You won't keep working during your "time off."

You won't work right up until the clock runs out and your kids come home.

Because you don't need to anymore.

The solutions were never the problem. The belief keeping you from using them was.

What's Next

When you start to question the belief underneath your mental load, you can release the pressure valve.

Not by adding another system. Not by hiring another person.

By seeing what's actually been holding you back from using what you already have.

Want to go deeper? I've created a strategic journaling episode (releasing Thursday) with 3-4 prompts to help you excavate which root belief is keeping YOU stuck. 

Ready to work through this now? My Breakthrough Intensive is designed for exactly this - we spend 90 minutes excavating the beliefs underneath your burnout so you can finally stop just knowing what's wrong and actually change it. Book your Breakthrough here →

Not ready for coaching but want more support? Download my free Calm Mind Blueprint - a framework for reducing decision fatigue and mental overwhelm without adding more to your plate. Get it here →

Or listen to the full podcast episode below where I walk through this in more detail 🎧

Listen to the Full Episode:

Related Posts:

• Why You Can't Delegate (Even Though You're Drowning) - Coming next week
• Why You Keep Saying Yes When You Want to Say No - Coming in 2 weeks